Wicked Grace
by GallantReader95
Summary: Every Tuesday night, Hawke and her friends gather at the Hanged Man for a gave of Wicked Grace. Some have friendly discussions, some have heated arguments, but Hawke would not trade any of those nights away. Mentions of various pairings.
1. Aveline and Varric

_How are you at finales, Varric?_

 _I'm expecting some practical experience fairly soon._

 _Make it a good one, will you?_

 _For you, madam, endless sunsets and roses. And the swift hand of the law sweeping all aside. I thought it went unsaid._

 **A game of Wicked Grace, a brilliant idea of Varric's that carries on for the following six years Hawke lives in Kirkwall. The game started with him and Aveline, their official first meeting.**

 **Chapter 1**

The first game of Wicked Grace we ever played was at Gamlen's house. Lucky for me, mother conjured up an excellent plan to keep him out of the house for several hours, enough for all of us to enjoy each other's company. Mother went all out with refreshments, with the money we had. Mother set down the meat pie, carving out a slice for our newest guest, Varric.

When Aveline had arrived, Mother was pleased to have met with her again. Having been focused on her duties in the City guard once we had arrived in Kirkwall. And then the introductions, "Aveline," I began, "This is Varric Tethras. He has a plan on getting us onto the expedition his brother is planning."

Aveline narrowed her eyes slightly at the dwarf, but nonetheless greeted him with a firm handshake. "Aveline Vallen." The woman introduced herself.

As we sat around the table for a game, Mother opting into shopping for more groceries before Gamlen's return. Bethany offered to go with her, but she reassured my sister that she would be fine on her own.

Bethany decided to merely spectate, as Aveline, Varric, my older brother Holland, and younger brother Carver looked at our cards. I shuffled.

Of course, as many know, it is not about the game...but the conversation.

"Varric," Aveline began. Though the dwarf didn't know it, she was using her interrogation voice, "What do you do for a living?"

Varric rose his eyebrows and Holland and I exchanged looks as he drew a new card. "Am I the next step of your career evaluations?"

"He's a writer." I quickly explained, knowing already Aveline was putting together her impression on Varric and later in the evening was planning on telling me what she thought. "Also a member of the Merchant's Guild, remember, his brother is leading the expedition into the Deep Roads." I reminded her.

Aveline discarded one of her cards absentmindedly, didn't say anything for a moment, before she looked back up at the smiling Varric, "That it?"

"That it?" Varric repeated with a laugh, "You are dismissing hallmarks of both the utterly ineffectual and the incredibly dangerous."

"Aveline," Holland intervened, seeming ready to defend Varric, always a worried wart about anybody getting along, "He is willing to help us in raising the coin."

"Coin that his brother can't provide?" Aveline questioned with a raised eyebrow, "Exactly how is a writer with a crossbow," She acknowledged Varric's beloved weapon leaning against the wall.

"It means coins flow when I talk and when I shut up. Like if you got paid to guard or unguard."

Aveline drew another card in confusion, "That makes no sense."

"Good."

Seeming displeased with the answer she got, the conversation shifted when Carver began to pester Aveline on the application he sent in for a position in the City Guard. Aveline sighed, seeming to dread the conversation, "I can't make you a guard, Carver."

Carver slammed his cup in annoyance, "We were both soldiers. Why won't they take me?"

"Perhaps," I began and I already felt my little brother's scorning gaze upon me, as I didn't even have to look from my hands. Two serpents, two songs, An Angel of Fortitude. "If you weren't so aggressive, slamming yours fists on tables as if you are a blood red tyrant, then perhaps the Captain of the Guard would consider your application."

"That makes no sense, Garnet." Carver argued.

"Your sister is right," Aveline spoke up. "In a...rather roundabout way, but the part about you not being able to control your temper. As well as not following orders. I have no problem with that."

Carver narrowed his eyes, "You don't follow orders!" He nudged me, "Garnet, you remember Ostagar! The first thing she did when the Teryn retreated was tuck her tail in and run away."

"I told you, Carver!" Aveline lectured, her voice was wavering, which meant she was controlling her anger, "I was looking for my husband."

Upon mention of her deceased lover, all grew quiet, until Holland recounted the events of the discovery of our birthright.

Later in the game as the mood was lightened again, Aveline and Varric were carrying on quite a lovely conversation, apparently getting along swimmingly.

"Maybe I should put you to use Varric." Aveline began, "Have you pen some warnings for the lawless."

Varric snorted a laugh, discarding one of his cards. "Who's that for? Are most criminals big readers?" He asked with another scoff before drawing. "Seems like pacifying the nobles."

"Varric, um," I was trying to explain to Aveline but already Aveline was judging me with a raised eyebrow. 'What company are you keeping' her face said.

"Pictures then." She continued without missing a beat, "It was just a suggestion."

Varric showed his hands, the Angel of Death in full view. "Well how about a giant sign that just says 'Don't.' You could hit people with it."

The jab earned a laugh from Carver, which Aveline ignored. "Thank you, I get the point."

As we showed our hands, (Varric having won this round) Bethany volunteered to shuffle the cards, Varric continued his little game with Aveline, "So this is what we get for letting a Ferelden in the guard."

A challenge. Aveline leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms, as Bethany stopped shuffling in surprise, "You have a problem with that?" She demanded to know.

"Me? My family's not native either. I'm just surprised. Lots of old prejudice in the guard." He admitted, as Bethany redistributed the cards.

"I'll give them plenty of reason to change their minds." Aveline responded determinedly.

"You know, it's possible they're just scared shitless of you. That's my theory, anyway."

When the game was finished, Aveline was the first to make her leave. Varric was the first to reach a hand out to shake, "It was a pleasure meeting you, Guard Captain. We should get together more often when the next time you are off duty."

"Not for another week." She responded.

Varric looked scared, and I snorted in laughter, "See," I pointed out, "I told you about her, didn't I. The workload never stops with her."

"I'll be damned." Varric muttered, "No way, you are shitting me."

Aveline crossed her arms appearing defensive, "This was my first day off in two weeks."

Another stunned silence from Varric, "And the trend of you scaring the piss out of me continues."

 **DA2**

Wicked Grace Game number one hundred and fifty-seven. Round two. Anders just won the first game of the night.

I noticed his proud smirk, and the sly wink he sent my way. Cheeky mage. The others sat around the table, missing my brother Holland. Had some business to take care of.

Fenris and Isabela asked about him. Merrill forced herself to drink the ale Varric ordered, although we told the eager elf that she didn't have to drink it if she didn't like it, but she was determined to enjoy the swill served at the Hanged Man.

Varric's room was crammed with all seven of us in here, but only Aveline really complained about it.

"Hey Blondie," Varric returned his seat, sliding over a spirit with a golden tint to its color, "on me, for winning the last game."

Anders smiled, accepting the drink, "Thank you, Varric."

Merrill shyly glanced over at Anders mug, curious of its contents, "What is that?" She asked in awe.

"That looks like Sun Blonde Vint," Fenris recognized, wriggling his nose, "It is a brew from Tevinter." he sneered.

Anders appeared most pleased at the former slave's discomfort and took a swig, Merrill's glistening green eyes widened as she watched Anders drink the brew, "Will I get something like that if I win a game?" She asked.

Varric laughed as they next game commenced, "We will have to just wait and see, Daisy."

I nudged over, "Alright, Aveline. You can start us off this round. I got nothing to do tomorrow so I plan on getting smashed."

"I'll drink to that!" Isabela agreed as we clunked mugs.

Aveline drew a card as she narrowed her eyes at Varric, "Daisy, Blondie, Rivaini...how come I don't have a nickname?" She asked earnestly.

"That is not true," I intervened, "I don't have a nickname!"

"'Hawke is a family name."

"Now, now," Varric tried to explain, "Bianca doesn't have a nickname."

Anders snorted, "Your crossbow? I hate to break it to you, friend, but that doesn't count."

"I'll be honest, Aveline. I just...haven't come up with a good one yet." Varric admitted. "I was going to go with something like…'Red'?"

"Too common." She admitted.

"Well, when you come up with one, let me know." Varric responded.

"How about Avy?" I tried, but as I was saying the name it didn't feel quite right. "Um, no. I don't quite like that."

"What about Guarddog," Anders tried to be crude, "I mean, I see you bark at people all the time."

"I'll show you 'barking', Mage." Aveline warned with a glare.

Merrill set down her mug, swallowing the contents with the lick to the lips and followed with; "I like 'Red'. Because your hair is red."

Varric smiled as he drew his card, "I don't think that one is going to work, Daisy."

Isabela had a twinkle in her eye and a wicked grin as she leaned over and said, "I'm sure your Donnic has several nicknames in kind for you now."

"Shut up, whore." Was Aveline's indignant response.

As the game continued, Aveline spoke on the incidents she has been having with her guardsmen. "There were fistfights in the barracks over who is the model for your guard serial," She explained.

Varric snickered setting down a discarded card while taking another swill of ale, "Hard in Hightown. Riveting stuff. Everyone loves a dirty guard on the edge."

"I've actually read some of it," Anders spoke up happily, seeming only mildly tipsy as the night dragged on.

"Varric." Aveline warned, ignoring Anders.

The dwarf shrugged, "Fine. I'll start his big finish. Three chapters until Donnen Brennicovick retires and opens a tavern on the coast." As Merill went her turn, he shuffled through his hand, idly, "I sure hope he makes it. He's getting too old for this shit."

"Can I take a guess as it to whom you are basing your serial on?" I asked the dwarf.

"Don't encourage him, Hawke," Aveline interrupted my question, "Varric is very close to losing his writing blocks."

"Oh come now, Guard-Captain," Varric sighed, "It is not anybody's fault they are invested in the drama that unfolds-"

"Oh no?" Aveline asked, "Someone swapped the text of my recruitment poster with some filth from the Blooming Rose."

"That does sound pretty good." Varric responded with a laugh. I tried, but couldn't help joining in. Perhaps it was the drinks, but even so, the gag was much too brilliant of an idea. Anders grinned behind his cup, and Merrill laughed along, although we all knew she didn't quite get what was happening.

Fenris had a content smile, while Isabela was also grinning irely. Aveline was not amused.

"Sure, fill barracks with whores. But you've also filled the Rose with guards."

"It is true what they say. The best comedy comes from tragedy. Anyway, I cannot take claim on that account, Guard Captain."

When Aveline seemed surprised, she suddenly directed her attention to Isabela. The pirate woman kept her eyes on her cards before showing her hand, "Angel of the Death. Show yours hands. And yes, guilty as charge."

Towards the end of the night as the last and final game of the night was wrapped, Varric took the 'winning cup'.

Whoever emerged the night as the major victor of the game got possession of a chalice. Just an ordinary chalice from the Hanged Man but...it was our chalice. Varric was currently in possession of it, having beaten out Aveline who was sure she had it.

"Unbelievable, you must have cheated." Aveline pouted, crossing her arms after shoving her hand away from her.

Varric laughed, "Guard Captain, I never pegged you to be such a spoiled sport. I played fair and square. You don't believe me?"

"I am speaking to the same man who pretends to be your cousin Elmand?"

"Why would I want to be like Elmand?"

Merrill leaned heavily into me, but was staring at Varric with wide eyes, "I didn't know you had a cousin. Are we going to get to meet him?"

"Merrill," Aveline began, "He is not real. He is imaginary."

Varric responded with, "Which makes him a much better head of the household than I am. He never misses the Merchants Guild meetings, for one."

Merrill frowned, "So I won't be meeting him then?"

I did not feel there was any point explaining to her, so I volunteered to take the poor naive Dalish elf home.

 **DA2**

For our three hundred and thirteenth game, a lot has happened...and not all good. We conjured together at the Hanged Man, as we always do every Tuesday night.

Now Sebastian has been invited to our games, much to Varric's annoyance. Aveline's new husband, Donnic also now regularly joined us for our weekly game nights.

Anders, the love of my life who now sleeps in my bed, sat ever so close to me, his thigh pressed against mine. His usual smile was not there anymore, his eyebrows furrowed together in a frown of worry.

"You're too quiet, Varric." Aveline finally noticed as the game commenced, pulling away from whatever it was she was whispering to Donnic.

"I'm thinking of switching to romances." Varric suddenly said. I looked at Varric in surprise, still no reaction from Anders as he glared at the table. Merril's eyes widened in wonder, Fenris laughed aloud along with my brother Holland. Isabela didn't look too surprised but directed her attention to Aveline.

She just took a drink, waiting for Varric to continue as Sebastian drew a card. "Nothing?" The dwarf asked in surprise. "Not even a foreboding frown?"

"Varric," I brought up, "Obviously Aveline is very happy where she is now. Look how content she is. Look at her hair, and her clothes."

Aveline appeared slightly self conscious of these changes, she still sported the headband even though we were off duty, but her grown bright orange locks were tied up on the top of her head, while wearing a dark red noblewoman's dress, the lack of sleeves exposing her massive arm muscles.

Donnic appeared much too pleased over his wife's physique. Varric scoffed, "Well that certainly takes the fun out of it. Contentment in the barracks? Who'll pay to hear that shit?"

"Then I should have thought about it years ago." Aveline responded with a content smile.

Later on in the evening, Aveline and Donnic began to engage in a debate with Sebastian on the current state of Kirkwall. "Are you loyal to Kirkwall?" Aveline finally asked the question everybody avoided. "You're set on a title in Starkhaven, but we're having a crisis here."

"This isn't just Kirkwall's concern." Sebastian told Aveline boldly, "If this chaos spreads, Starkhaven will need a strong ruler to beat back the tide."

Donnic uncomfortably took a drink, letting his wife continue out the debate, "I've seen greater men than you use that excuse."

Varric scoffed, shuffling his hand idly waiting on Fenris's turn, "Starkhaven's too pretentious for me and Cumberland's too boring."

"Varric, this is...a different conversation, we know you hate commitment, but yet you are still here. Six years later...still at Hawke's side."

"Aveline, I thought you'd have noticed by now: I lie a lot."

I laughed, ignoring Anders's nudges which usually meant he wanted to turn in early. I quickly whispered 'in a bit' to him before I spoke up again, "Strangely I always thought Aveline would wind up arresting you someday Varric?"

My brother laughed at that comment as Varric set down his cup, "If I ever decide to get caught, Aveline, you'll be the guard I let catch me."

"'Let catch you'?" Aveline asked.

Holland also quirked an eyebrow, "'Decide to get caught?'"

Varric hummed when it got to his turn and he drew his card, then slammed his hand. Angel of Death.

As well all showed our hands, Donnic emerged as the victor this evening. Taking the chalice from Isabela who won last week's game (which everyone insisted was from cheating) and handed it to Donnic, "This is your first win ever, isn't it?" Isabela laughed, clapping her hands together.

We all gave an applause to Donnic, who stood up and bowed with a smile.

 **DA2**

A small part of me wished I could get that moment back. With all of us sitting in a circle at the Hanged Man. We waited at the Gallows, every breath echoing within the halls, as we got ready to face of Knight Commander Meredith.

Bethany I thanked the Maker I was able to protect from the wrath of the Knight Commander.

I looked down and saw the blood still on my knife. His blood. I couldn't even bring myself to wipe it off. Aveline took notice and I quickly sheathed my blade.

She was speaking to Bethany, which Aveline claimed was her main reason actually in turning against the Knight Commander. She said she couldn't bring herself to face off against someone she thought as a little sister. "Donnic is meeting up with Brennan. The guards stand with you." Aveline informed me, she turned her attention back to Bethany, "I will get you out of the Gallows."

Bethany laughed quietly to herself, "My spring out of the Circle in Kirkwall is much more...dramatic than I could ever picture."

I scoffed, "All this raving Meredith has done for the passed three years and then some. Now she's got a problem on her hands, now does she?"

Bethany seemed to notice the missing Anders, and I pulled my baby sister into an embrace. "Garnet, I'm fine."

Holland made his approach after accessing the situation with the other Circle Mages, "Here is what I propose...deal with Meredith...then we take Isabela's ship and get out of Kirkwall. We will take as many of these mages as we can?"

"And go where?" Merrill asked worriedly, fidgeting her fingers nervously.

"Starkhaven." Was Sebastian's answer.

Aveline narrowed her eyes.

"I can offer you safe harbor." He told us.

"You can't guarantee that." Aveline spoke up.

"These mages," Sebastian said, gesturing to the scared people hiding behind the gates under our protection, "I see now. This all happened due to the terrible act of Anders."

I flinched but I knew Sebastian spoke the truth. Even if I didn't want to accept it.

"We do not have much choice. Where else can we go that offers any other security? Ferelden? King Alistair offered his allegiance...but Queen Anora is still hesitant. The Grey Wardens? Hawke, your brother is there, but the organization cannot be involved. Orlais?"

"Tevinter?" Fenris questioned, backing up Sebastian's idea. "No. I vote we go to Starkhaven."

Isabela sighed, "I hear Starkhaven is lovely this time of year. And I know the way."

Bethany watched Sebastian in awe, reminded of the girl that came to Kirkwall and begged mother to take her to the Chantry due to her little fancy. "Garnet. I think Starkhaven is our best bet."

"Alright, alright. It is a matter if Aveline agrees?"

The redheaded guard captain sighed, "How are you at finales, Varric?"

The dwarf sighed, though he hid his fear well, I can tell he was overwhelmed by the state of his home, "I'm expecting some practical experience fairly soon."

She smiled down at him, "Make it a good one, will you?"

This earned a smile from him, "For you, madam, endless sunsets and roses."

She rolled her eyes, but then Varric followed it up with; "And the swift hand of the law sweeping all aside. I thought it went unsaid."


	2. Aveline and Anders

" _He won't fight for her when the time comes. Would you turn against your own husband?"_

 **Aveline never approved of even Anders being so involved with Hawke, let alone the two living together. Marks of sisterly concern, Hawke will soon learn that Aveline's feelings on such matters are usually spot on.**

 **Chapter 2**

"Hawke what is this?" Aveline had asked when she finally arrived in the City Guard break room. I was sitting with Varric and Anders, playing a quick game of Wicked Grace.

"I had a bit of a run in with some Tal Vashoth on the Wounded Coast," I explained to my good friend, "the Viscount's son has gotten himself wrapped up with an 'Ashaad'. Perhaps they were lovers…?" I insinuated with a purr.

Aveline didn't appear to believe me, but we all looked like we were unsure of what to make such a situation. "Did you speak to the Viscount?" Aveline asked curiously, taking a seat next to Anders.

"I did." I told her, "He was most grateful for my involvement of getting Saemus out of there. I got a little reward out of it too. I heard from Donnic that you were comin' in here, so we thought we'd accompany you on your break."

The way Aveline's lips curled together in a sort of grimace, I couldn't help but smile at succeeding in making her cringe in annoyance. Like a rightful sister should. Varric began distributing the cards he had been shuffling for some time, "Care for a game, Aveline?" He asked.

"I really should be-"

"You are on your break!" I reminded Aveline, full well knowing she was just trying to come up with an excuse. "What? You don't like me? I thought we were friends, you wound me, madam!"

Anders glanced over Aveline knowingly, "I don't think it's your company she is bothered by, Hawke."

She didn't deny it. "Where are your siblings?"

"Holland is tying loose ends with Meeran...sorry, was that too loud? Bethany went with mother to the Chantry. She tries to play it as a devout Andrastian, but we all know she simply goes there to ogle one of those Chantry Brothers...I forget his name. Sebastian or something? And Carver...well...I'm not sure really. He never tells me."

Aveline groaned, "You don't know if he is up to something stupid again? I've seen him hanging around that Athenril."

I shrugged, and Aveline glared at me. "Relax Aveline, I am sure Holland or Bethany would have been informed. If it was truly that stupid, Bethany would have told either of us right now in hysterics."

As we began the game, I felt the tension between Aveline and Anders. A City Guardswoman, sworn to abide by Kirkwall's strict rules, and a renegade mage with a secret Clinic, illegally healing Ferelden refugees.

Aveline of course voiced these concerns to me, especially when we discovered Anders'...condition. But I reassured her that we were only using Anders for his Grey Warden maps.

I guess she wasn't expecting Anders to pal around with us, bringing him to her work like we were good friends. I liked Anders.

And he seemed to like me very well too. Aveline would be quite angry if I told her such, not that I would really need to. But leave it to the guardswoman to attempt to play nice in the empty break room at Viscount's Keep. "I hear good things about you, Anders. Not what I expected." She noted.

"From a mage, you mean." Anders said automatically, drawing a card.

Aveline looked around in surprise, in fear someone would hear. We took just as many precautions with Anders as we did with Holland and Bethany, but scarily enough, Anders did not seem to care about his safety. (Or anybody else's) "I don't think that was what she meant, Anders." I tried to explain, aware of Anders' little triggers.

"How else am I to be judged?" He challenged, looking straight at Aveline, "What else am I a shining example of?"

Aveline licked her lips unimpressed, stiffly holding her cards out in front of her, "I don't know... other Fereldens lurking in Darktown? Mage or not." She whispered the last part for only us to hear.

"You see, Blondie? Aveline makes a valid point there." Varric remarked.

Anders nodded, discarding one of his cards and looking at his hand, "But yet you were married to a templar?" I looked up with just my eyes at the pair across from me, Aveline cleared her throat in further annoyance as Anders chewed at his lip in focus at his cards, but continued to prod.

"What of it?" Aveline asked.

Anders laughed, "Are they all as dirty as they seem?"

The redheaded guardswoman let out a scoff before she sat up in her seat, staring in disbelief at the mage sitting next to him, "What?"

"Did he ever ask you to play 'the naughty mage and the helpless recruit?' Maybe the 'secret desire demon and the upstanding knight?'"

"That is disgusting!"

Anders drew another card, "I hear it is quite popular. I often get patients who have these sort of liasons with templars, but...that is all I am saying on that."

A thick silence followed afterward, and I think even Varric felt the tension that could be sliced with a sword. I spoke up in an attempt to change the subject, "Anders, is there...anything you can do to help with...certain...um…"

Anders seemed confused by my struggling to figure out the right words for these sensitive topics for both parties, "Hawke...does this topic make you feel uncomfortable?"

Aveline got straight to the point, "Holland has heard some rumblings in Darktown, and I need to know if there is anything going on with the Mages?"

Varric spoke up, questioningly, "What kinds of things that nobody else suspects already. Not that confirms anything to be true…"

"I'm a guard. I'm the first person who has to deal with... trouble."

Anders didn't answer for a moment, but he appeared annoyed, glaring at his cards, "You want help killing people like me."

Varric, once again, stepped in as a better voice of reason, "Anders, we're not saying that every mage is into blood magic or ...whatever, but if there are any who are planning on causing harm-"

"As much harm as a templar or a city guard with a sword." Was Anders' rebuttal. Aveline stared at him almost in disbelief at how fast a conversation can turn serious. It was just those triggers always seem to get to him. The Renegade mage laughed to himself as he checked his cards, "It wasn't this bad in Ferelden, let me tell you."

Aveline looked at me, with a thoughtful expression, and I silently begged her to just be patient. She sighed, taking one of the cards from her hands and discarding it in one swift motion, "That I can agree on. Ferelden...was...far less prejudice on mages or…" She had a faraway glisten in her eyes as she talked, in the same fondness that mother or Holland had whilst reminiscing. "It was home. I would never have left it willingly. But...I didn't want to become like my father and try to live out a memory."

"Yes...Ferelden wasn't as bad, but mages were still not free. I didn't give it a second thought when I came to Amaranthine, it did nothing for me." Varric sucked in his teeth as Anders continued to conversate, but yet, the mage didn't sound bitter this time, "And yet...I think about it...I think about it."

"...from what I have heard," Aveline tried to reason, "King Alistair has been working on giving the Circle of Magi in Ferelden autonomy, independance."

"I know...I did hear that...although lets see him follow up on those plans before somebody stops him, or they silence those who rally for the idea. Remember, the King used to be a templar."

I intervened, noticing Aveline's foot tapping under the table, which usually meant that she had her limit, "I miss the cold in Ferelden." I blurted, "And the open air with the dirt. Kirkwall doesn't have nearly enough dirt or dogs! Poor Berserk has been cooped up in Gamlen's hovel for a year. He needs open fields."

Anders was smiling warmly at me, and added, "I knew there was something Kirkwall was missing." He laughed, "Not enough dogshit. Don't you miss that, Hawke?"

After the game (which I won), Captain Jeven came into the Breakroom, "Vallen! What are you doing bullshitting with these people?!"

"It was my break, sir." Aveline explained with a salute.

"Well your break just ended so I suggest you return to your post! As for the rest of you lot, you have no authorization in here! Make yourself scarce or I will have to make my guards force you out."

I raised my arms in peace, "There is no need for that, Guard Captain. We are going!" As Varric collected all the cards and carefully placed them into his coat pocket, I whispered to him, "You and Anders can wait for me outside the Keep."

"Will do, Hawke."

When Varric and Anders left, Aveline glared at me expectantly, "So, you and this Anders are becoming quite chummy."

"You can say that."

"I don't mind Varric. In fact, he may be a bother at times, but most days he means well. But this Anders...you can't get through a conversation without him raving about the plight of mages."

"He's passionate, you have to give him that." I noted.

After studying me for a moment, Aveline scoffed in disgust, "Maker's breath, Garnet...you fancy him!"

"...Aveline! Of course I do! You cannot deny he is handsome! Have you seen his killer eyes and a wicked smile?"

"Pardon me, I was too distracted by his zealotry!"

"He is not a zealot, Aveline!"

"And have you forgotten he is an abomination?"

I couldn't exactly come up with a good follow up on that very true fact. Besides an indignant; "So?"

"'So?' That is all you have to say on the matter?"

I couldn't rightfully defend him, but I told myself that I was just being friendly until the Expedition...then I will no longer have to associate with the man.

 **DA2**

So...three years later...he sat at the Hanged Man, amongst my other friends I have acquired before my wealth settled in. And Aveline...was Captain of the Guard now. She had to set an example for the other Guardsmen.

While usually it was my redheaded fellow warrior who sat scowling at her cards, as the mage made light of the woman, Anders appeared to be having a bad day. "You're glaring, Anders. Is there a reason, or is it one of your moods?"

The Mage in question did not seem well enough to entertain the question, but he kept his eyes on his cards, "Your term as captain hasn't been particularly "mage friendly."

Holland and Aveline already had this argument earlier in the day, so I was surprised when my older brother actually went out of his way to defend the woman he usually bumped heads with. "It was only a handful, Anders. And besides...they were maleficarum."

"Every despot starts somewhere." He spat, glaring up at Aveline.

Aveline scoffed, finally had enough of Anders' jabs, "And yet I allow an abomination to whine at me! Credit where it's due."

She went there!

Varric quickly chugged his ale, Holland audibly gasped, Merrill covered her mouth, Isabela rested her hand on her hands, eagerly waiting for the argument, as Fenris simply discarded and drew another card while everybody was distracted.

Anders glared at Aveline, "I have already explained this a hundred times. I am not an abomination."

"Yes, I know. So you have mentioned. You are of two people. Anders and...Justice."

"No!"

Varric clarified, "But you said that you were of two minds."

"Most people are."

Aveline appeared most exasperated, "Then explain then! Instead of claiming us to be inaccurate on our perception on you, explain what exactly you are Anders!"

Merril stared down at her cards, "Is the game over?"

"No, Merrill." Holland quietly whispered to the innocent elf, "we are still playing, hide your hand…"

My good friend Aveline was becoming even more frustrated, "I don't understand why you can never just answer a simple question, instead you want to play these riddles and mind games! It is infuriating holding a conversation with you!"

"Then it's fortunate it doesn't occur often." Anders muttered, "I am only nice to you because you are Hawke's friend. We are not...pals."

"Indeed!"

Fenris spoke up, "Alright, now that we got that out of the way, can we move along with this game. I would also appreciate a refill, please?" He held up his cup for the barmaid to pick up and pour him another cup.

Merrill was the one who tried to change the subject, "Hawke, did you hear from your brother?"

"What is it that you want, Anders!?" Aveline suddenly blurted, slamming her cards down.

"Love, life, and liberty. What more does a man need?" Anders asked.

Isabela rubbed her temples, "Maker...I am not drunk enough for this."

"Perhaps instead of spending your days off here with us, you could be out ratting to the templars to come and arrest me!"

Anders slammed his hand down. The Angel of Death card. He pushed the chair out from underneath and snatched the Chalice that sat in the middle of the table and stormed out of Varric's room.

Aveline watched me expectantly, before I followed after the mage.

The night was warm, summertime. Surprisingly, there were no crooks out at this time. We headed for the entrance to Darktown before he finally turned around with a sigh, "I apologize. She just...pushes me over. I don't see why you are friends with someone who is helping the templars."

"She isn't helping the templars." I argued. "She is a Guardswoman. She is protecting the people. Those mages were blood mages. She would never turn in anyone innocent."

"How do you know it wasn't her that got Bethany sent to the Circle in the first place? She was here, you and I were in the Deep Roads with Varric and...and Carver. She didn't appear too surprised when you told her Cullen came to Gamlen's hovel."

I couldn't give a good enough response besides; "Aveline wouldn't do that to me. Not after everything we went through together. Aveline is my family. Look, I know I shouldn't be expecting the two of you to be painting each other's toenails anytime soon but you are both important to me."

"I am?" Anders asked.

"Of course. You saved Carver's life. I can never repay you for that. You even risked the Wardens trying to bring you back."

"They didn't. I guess Warden Commander Brosca has a soft spot for me."

"Well, from the letters I have received from Carver, the Hero of Ferelden sounds like a reasonable woman. But...truly Anders, please try to understand why my relationship with Aveline is also very important to me."

Anders merely nodded. He didn't appear to agree, but he respected my wishes.

 **DA2**

"I suppose you're just thrilled how the knight-commander's basically stepped into the Viscount's seat?" Anders started with Aveline again tonight.

Tonight was special. Our usual Wicked Grace game was relocated from the usual Hanged Man to my Estate. Or rather...Our Estate. Our meaning Holland and I...and Anders.

He has been living with me for two years now. And while I was warned (by Holland and Aveline and...Varric...and everyone else) how sudden Anders moving in was, and how much of a bad idea it was…

...I sure hated being wrong. It was manageable at first. Perhaps due to the curse of the 'honeymoon' phase we were both under. But as the years wore on...he became less adorable, funny, charming, passionate and more...angry, gloomy, obsessive, and...naggy.

Everyone was concerned for the mage, especially after Knight Commander Meredith took over the Viscount's position when the Qunari attacked Kirkwall. "She can't stall the process forever. It's not her place." Aveline explained. "Leaving the viscount's seat empty will just tempt people to fight for it. It will cause more trouble than it prevents."

"Well said, Aveline." Sebastian agreed where he sat on the floor around the small table. "Though I find the Knight Commander's motives as of late to be...unorthodox…"

"Obviously." Varric muttered.

Anders furrowed his eyebrows, something he has been doing more and more in the recent days, Donnic laughed good naturedly, "I have to admit, Anders. Of the mages I know, you're the one I expected to go out in a blaze."

"The day is young." Anders responded.

Aveline glared, "Donnic was giving you a compliment, you ass."

Holland coughed, clearly disagreeing in his own diplomatic way.

Suddenly, Anders looked furious. "I thought you were on my side, Donnic."

A very weird exchange of glances happened. Between the husband and wife out of guilt and confusion, and everybody else at the table including me seemed surprised by this turn of events.

Varric was Donnic's savior, "What I believe the Guard Dog hear said was that he believes the Knight Commander is going mad."

Anders continued to narrow his eyes at Aveline's husband, "Did you tell your wife."

"Now, there, friend-" Donnic tried to ease my lover's paranoia.

"-I am not your friend!"

"Donnic," Aveline turned her attention to her husband in utter bewilderment, "What is he going on about? What do you know that you are not telling me?"

Donnic sighed, seeming stuck. Varric couldn't help him this time. "Love, the...the Knight Commander has been running investigations on us. The guardsmen, that is."

"What!? And you...you told Anders and not only your wife but the bloody Captain of the Guard!"

Anders continued to egg the fight on, "He won't fight for her when the time comes. Would you turn against your own husband?"

"Stop it!" I was surprised to hear Merrill's squeak as she covered her ears, "Please, stop all this fighting! I just wanted to play a game. I...I just wanted to forget all this was happening for a while."

"You can't, Merril." Anders warned the elf, "It is never over!"

"Enough, Anders!" Aveline shouted, slamming her cards down. "I...am finished here. Donnic, let us go."

"Can't we finish the game first?" Holland asked sheepishly.

"I am no longer in the mood." She shrugged Donnic off as she stormed off. I chased after her.

"Aveline!" I called out to her. When we got outside, to the Kirkwall's Hightown, the night sky casting an ominous shadow over the city, she spun on her heel and glared me down.

"I used to respect you, Garnet! Even after all the foolery you have put me through. I owe you a lot. But...this man...look at what he is doing? To everybody, to you...to himself. I cannot stand another moment with him. Donnic and I will no longer be coming over to visit, Garnet."

"What?" Was all I could say. As I stood in my robes in the middle of Hightown, Aveline, looking the most beautiful and usually happy as I have ever seen her, dressed more like a noblewoman then a guardswoman...the imagery ruined by her frown, as she tugged back her long braid.

"I am sorry, Hawke. I...I can't even be in the same room as him. I wished things didn't have to be this way...but I am quite finished here." Donnic came out of my Estate after she said that, and they began heading in the direction of their home.

Later that night, Anders and I were in probably one of our biggest fights ever. "Calm down, Anders!"

"I don't need this, Garnet! If you want to make amends with the Guard Captain, as always, then go!"

"I have already told you my relationship with Aveline, I thought you understood that!"

"That was before Aveline proved she is supporting of the Knight Commander! She is trying to turn you to her side! What of Holland or Bethany-she is in the bloody Circle!"

"Are you still on that!? Aveline did not send Bethany to the circle! Anders, what is happening here!? You have become-"

"A lunatic!?" Anders assumed.

Dead on.

"If there is a problem you should be able to talk to me."

"It wouldn't matter now will it? No matter how many times you proclaim that you are on my side, or that you care about me, or you support me, or support mages...you will continue to rally for the templars and the city guard against mages. You will continue to let people like Isabela take advantage of you, or you will let Fenris declare how all mages need to be destroyed, despite his relations with your brother."

"Anders, you are the one that said things are not that clear and cut!"

"Well, I was wrong!" He shouted, his eyes flaring up blue. "I remember you betraying me in the Fade. You...Garnet...are a liar. And I am moving out."

"Wait, Anders, just wait!" I grabbed his hand before he grabbed his sack, "Please...don't go. I love you. I want you here."

I even felt pathetic begging and pleading like this. I was never this kind of woman. But it was less about me and more about him. I was actually very concerned about the condition my lover was in.

He glared down at me, as I kissed his hands, as I always do. Almost as a puppy does, licking your hands in apology. "Come now, Anders. Let us not fight. We are just...tired and a bit intoxicated," I laughed, "We should...go to bed, and discuss more in the morning if you wish."

The guilt returned to him. The Anders I know and loved. He sighed, reaching out and caressing my cheek as he always did as he pressed a tender kiss on my lips. "I apologize, love. For my temper. You have always been so patient with me."

I kissed him back, and I was only half aware of my brother listening in on our conversation we were having in the study.

 **DA2**

We were almost out of Hightown, heading for Lowtown. I had to stop and get the Feddics and Orianna to safety. Not wanting any harm to come to those I have adopted into my household.

As we headed into Lowtown (Holland had wanted to warn our Uncle of the state of the city), Aveline stopped me. I hadn't had a moment since it happened. "Hawke."

"Aveline." I repeated, forcing a smile on my face, "I am rather surprised you decided to remain by our side. You are so fired from the City Guard."

She didn't even try to laugh, as she pulled me into an embrace. "I am sorry. I know that was hard for you. Are you okay?"

"Is anyone?" I asked, still trying to keep a happy fascade. "First we need to warn Gamlen, and then we have to hurry to the Gallows before anything happens to Bethany."

"Garnet, stop evading, please."

"Aveline, as you can see the city is literally on fire...again. We can't discuss this now."

"We won't later either at this rate. But...you could have turned him in."

"No I couldn't. He would just get out. You know how many times that man escaped the Circle in Ferelden, he even avoided the Wardens. And then he disappeared for months when Cullen was informed...the man is more of an illusionist than a mage. No...he would just...get away."

Aveline sighed, "I understand."

"It was only a matter of time, Aveline. You were right."

"That does not mean I wished to be, Garnet." She pleaded earnestly.

"Hey!" Varric called out, "We got trouble. We need to stop the chatter and get going."

I drew my battle axe, and Aveline pulled out her sword and shield in response, as we followed Varric into the fray.


	3. Varric and Anders

" _So, you and Hawke... I need some details. Did you go down on one knee? Did she jump you? Did you swear eternal vows of love, or is this just a physical thing?"_

 **Varric was Hawke's bestfriend. Anders was Hawke's paramour. Starting with their mutual understanding of respect, the two actually got along far better than most believe. He saw it too. In Anders, and wished he did more.**

 **Chapter 3**

The first time we ever had one of our Wicked Grace games at the Hanged Man, there was very few of us. I sat at Varric's table with the dwarf at the head, shuffling his cards. He told a joke and I laughed, throwing back my first taste of the night.

It still tastes like dragon's piss. Not that I ever had the 'pleasure', but that is what the burning, sour taste puts me in mind of. Sitting next to me was Carver, wishing to partake in our night of drinking games.

Mother still saw my little brother as just a boy, and we all agreed the little blighter needed to man up some with some good hard ale, and the company of men. Men meaning a pathological liar, a rebel warden, a guardswoman and his big sis.

It wasn't planned for some. Anders was simply meant to come and help us map out the hotspots where darkspawns are more likely to be encountered. But one thing led to another. A good, hearty conversation between us before Aveline got here and we were calling ourselves a round.

Aveline didn't make too much of a fuss, but I noticed the frown she had when she realized the renegade mage was participating. She didn't appear to like him ever since the discovery that he was an abomination.

As for Varric he never really seemed to care about whether you were even a talking darkspawn. If you made interesting conversation and laughed at his jokes, you were considered a friend. Even if you don't laugh at his jokes (like Holland and Carver), you were still a friend. He was just like that.

Anders appeared unsure at first, but I could tell he really wanted to stay just a bit longer. I noticed he kept looking at me when he was making his decision and felt flattered. I tried not to seem too pleased.

As for Carver he insisted he drink and play. But I recalled the last time Carver got hammered at the Hanged Man. He got a lecture of a lifetime from mother...especially after he vomited all over Gamlen's pant leg.

Good times.

As we were playing the game, I noticed Varric staring Anders up and down quizzingly. He usually does this when he was trying to describe what he was seeing in his head. Anders noticed this and rose his eyebrow, "What?"

Varric shook his head as he drew a card, "Just wondering if the feathered pauldrons are an essential part of the moody rebel mage persona."

I laughed, discarding one of the hands, "It certainly adds to his sexy tortured look." I winked at him, and I noticed a bit of a smirk appear on his face. Aveline scoffed.

"Oh Maker's breath!" Carver exclaimed, slamming down a discarded hand.

Varric continued, self consciously adjusting the discarded pile. "I'm working on an epic poem about a hopelessly romantic apostate waging an epic struggle against forces he can't possibly defeat."

Anders narrowed his eyes, scratching at his ear, "What do you mean, "can't possibly defeat?"

Carver interjected with, "You know what he's talking about, mage."

Anders did not like that one bit, even Varric turned his head to send Carver a pensive look, "You know, Junior, it's eerie how much of a resemblance there is between you two."

Carver glanced over at me with a cocky scoff, "She's my sister. Of course there's a resemblance."

Varric laughed, feigning innocence, "Ooh, you thought I meant Hawke. I was talking about Gamlen."

Even Aveline laughed at that, "Maker, you are quite right, dwarf. The likeness is uncanny."

Carver appeared thoroughly offended by the jab, clutching his hand closer to him so he wouldn't have to look at us. As the game went on, I saw a side of Anders I never saw before. A more light-hearted, joking version of the man I met in the Darktown Clinic.

He managed to make me and Varric laugh on several occasions with his observations. "I've always wondered," Anders began, "why is every surface dwarf a merchant or a smith?"

Varric let out a 'ha' as he studied his cards, "You left out criminals and hired muscle."

"They don't count." Anders responded with a smug smirk.

"We dwarves are drawn to shiny objects. Sort of like Magpies, but with business sense." Was Varric's answer, which made me laugh more from the disgusting swill thinning my blood than what Varric had actually said.

"You're kidding." Anders remarked.

The dwarf took a long drink of his ale, keeping us in suspense before his surprisingly white teeth glistened as he cracked a drunken smile, "Of course I am. We come to the surface with the skills our ancestors had, Blondie. You think there's a tradition of dwarf woodcutters in Orzammar? Bee keepers? Sailors?"

Anders nodded, moving back to his cards, "Well, there could be mushroom growers and nug wranglers."

Varric shook his head, "Orzammar will never let those people go topside. Too vital. Also, embarrassing."

Towards the end of the game, the buzz was beginning to wear off, and the Angel of Death was not in sight. Carver was already folding, his head resting on the top of the table. Aveline yawned, becoming quiet from the exhaustion.

I felt my eyes drooping, forcing myself to stay awake. I heard Varric's voice, "So a human, an elf, and a dwarf walk into a bar…"

"The human says, 'You're lucky you're so short. That hurt like mad'"

I giggled at Varric's fallen smile, "Aw...Anders, you could have at least let him finish the punchline."

Anders laughed, his shoulders shaking as he did so, "Why waste a perfectly good set-up?"

"Hey," Varric's smile returned, much more wickedly this time. Oh no…"Blondie...you wanna hear another joke?" He slammed his cards down. The Angel of Death. "Also...royal flush."

"Dammit!" I cursed, slamming my cards and waking my brother. Aveline got up, finishing the last of her water.

"On that note, I shall head back. Take care of yourself Varric. Hawke." As Aveline left, I noticed she did not address Anders.

Anders also stood up, "I too should be getting back to Darktown, before the templars catch me."

I looked over to him in concern, "Did you want me to walk with you?" I asked.

He smiled, "As much as I would love to be protected by a beautiful warrior woman, I think you brother might be in need of far more help just to get on his feet. Good night...Hawke. Varric." As Anders swiftly left the bar, I sighed.

Left with the responsibility of my drunk younger brother. "Just let him crash here, Hawke. Don't go through all that. There could be crooks prowling around and you can't carry him and wield a two hander."

I nodded, but it still took a bit of time to get Carver to the loveseat at the corner of the room for such an occasion. "I'll head back as well then. Surely Holland is still awake waiting for us. I'll just explain that you are looking after our brother."

Varric was looking at me with a knowing smirk.

"What? What is it?" But I knew exactly what he was referring to.

"I saw the way you were eyeing Blondie. No surprise there. I even say he fancies you too. As many do."

I chuckled, crossing my arms, "He...reminds me of father. Particularly his sense of humor and wit. And...the mage thing. For your information, Varric I had only one lover in my entire life. Allison. We were childhood friends first. A shy and nervous girl but...only I seemed to ease her. However her parents did not...approve of our kindred romance. And she had to end things.

"I...that broke my heart. But...I refused to let her see that. I don't know. I don't like anyone seeing me upset. So...she began talking to one of the templars that came through from time to time in search of illegal mages. It made my entire family jittery it did. Especially when I went to war. I'll admit, I...dallied around a bit but just for a bit. In an attempt to forget her. I suppose I never really did, or else I wouldn't have brought her up."

Varric had a sort of understanding look on his face, as he nodded. I half expected him to make a joke or ask questions but he did neither of those things. Instead he drained the rest of his cup before saying, "Well that stinks. Sorry that happened to you."

I nodded, making my leave as I heard Carver stirring, readying to vomit. "Uh, Hawke…" Varric called out to me and I bolted. "Oh, really!?" Varric half-laughed.

 **DA2**

"Boiling in oil." Anders continued as we commenced with our usual Tuesday Night Wicked Grace game at the Hanged Man.

"Too prosaic." Varric rejected the idea, "Trapped in a cave with hungry bears, right at the spring thaw."

I scoffed, "That lets him off too easy. How about dipped in molten gold and left as a statue in the Viscount's Keep."

"Ooh. That's poetic!" Varric complimented, just as Merrill finally arrived. We had already started the game and Varric quickly dealed her in.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, curiously.

"What to do to Bartrand when I find him." Varric remarked.

Fenris sneered, "You are thinking too hard on ways that take more time than it is even worth. Just cut him down, and then you will be done."

Anders narrowed his eyes, "Clearly you don't know how this game works."

As we played, Anders began to tell the horrible stories that have happened in his clinic. Runaway mages that were raped or attacked by templars. Left ill and weak, with no hope of ever making their escape.

It was of course, another one of Anders' 'Fight for the Mages' plights, but most of us took with good stride. (Except for Aveline and Fenris who soured at Anders's ranting as he always does...at every game).

"Blondie, I don't mean to sound critical, but have you considered a new line of work?" Varric asked genuinely.

"Such as?" Anders asked, waiting for an actual response.

Varric shrugged, "Pretty much anything? I don't think "renegade mage" has a bright future. Or any retirement plan."

Anders let out a low whistle, shuffling through his own hand, "I don't know Varric. At the rate of the Undercity suddenly becoming a hospitable place of residence...maybe that just means I need to make my very private practice more known to the public."

"...why do you say that?" Varric asked, slightly gritting his teeth.

I noticed Anders still grinning ear to ear. "I could start putting up signs, 'Come to Darktown, we have herbal remedies and other stuff!' It will have a picture of my face and everything."

"Blondie!" Varric stressed, "You got something to say?"

Anders smiled warmly at the dwarf, "Are you sure you want to encourage me? I might be about to confess my undying love."

Varric scoffed, "I get that a lot. So what's on your mind?"

"I just realized it's been a while since any of the gangs in the Undercity came to my door." Anders remarked, paying more attention to the stoic dwarf sitting next to him at the head.

"They're busy people. Places to go, throats to cut. Maybe you've slipped their minds." Varric said, reaching over to draw another card.

As the barmaid was refilling Isabela's cup, she laughed, "Oh please. The apostate running the free clinic in the sewers. Easy to forget. You definitely had something to do with this." She teased the dwarf, drinking a swig.

"You must have me confused with someone else! I'm just a businessman and a storyteller."

Varric won that game again, twice in one night.

"That dwarf," Anders began as I started walking him to Darktown, "he has luck wherever he goes doesn't he?"

I was hanging off his arm, not that there was anything going on between Anders and I...not yet anyway. "Varric cares a lot about you, you know." I told the renegade, "He doesn't have to say it, but he shows it."

"I wonder how he managed to get every criminal out of Darktown. He can't have done it all for my sake." He wondered as the familiar sounds of dripping water, and the smell of droppings informed us we were in the Under City.

"Varric is full of secrets of his own. He has his ways." I reminded Anders.

"...he's a good friend."

When we arrived at his clinic, I reluctantly pulled away, heading for my basement, "Hawke," I heard him call out to me. "Are you busy tomorrow?" He began.

I felt a little excited, "No. Not at all."

"...Could you...do me a favor?" He asked, "we will talk more about it tomorrow."

Oh...that sounded like a quest. I smiled anyway, bidding him a good night before climbing up the ladder.

 **DA2**

I was not surprised when Varric had entered the Clinic the very next day after the Dissent. He appeared most concerned. There were luckily no desperate people begging for salves or rushing sick and weary elven children in.

It was completely silent. And Anders just sat over the table in distress as Varric attempted to talk some sense into the mage. "Oh, cheer up, Blondie. You're making me cry just looking at you."

Anders shook his head, shutting his eyes, "Don't."

I rested my hands on his back in an attempt to soothe him. Never my strong suit. I unfortunately never inherited the diplomatic and helpful nature of my mother like Holland and Bethany did. "It was a mistake Anders, but nothing happened. You are stressing yourself out over nothing."

Anders looked over at me, his eyes red and puffy, "I almost killed a girl." He cried.

Anders pulled away from me and took a seat on one of the benches, as Varric followed him, "You've killed two-hundred and fifty-four by my last count. Plus about five hundred men, a few dozen giant spiders, and at least two demons."

I sighed, crossing my arms, "Varric...I don't think that is quite the same."

"Why? Because this one you feel bad about? Maybe that's the problem." Varric remarked, "Look, I came because I care. But there is nothing that can be done. You didn't kill her, Hawke was there, and the girl is safe and sound with her family."

No response, now it was Varric turn to sigh, "Well, I did all I could. Now...I need to make a trip to the Chantry Sanitarium to check and see how Bartrand is doing."

"Of course. Tell him 'Hi' for me." I muttered.

Varric coughed a laugh, "I'm sure he'd love to hear from you, Hawke." He waved as he made his leave.

Anders watched him with teary eyes, and I took a seat next to the man in comfort.

 **DA2**

 _ **Three years later…**_

After Captain Jeven was defeated once more, the guardsmen were celebrating at the Viscount's Keep in the Barracks. All of my companions (including Sebastian much to Varric's annoyance) were invited.

This caused for an impromptu game of Wicked Grace, with the remaining city guards including Brennan, Aveline, and Donnic. Everyone was having a grand time, laughing at nothing. I don't think I ever seen Fenris smile this much as he hung around my brother. Something he will no doubt vehemently deny he did by morning.

Varric was on a roll with his jokes, Brennan on the ground in tears. Anders continued to scowl at his cards, not even everyone in utter hooligans could bring a smile to my love's face. Varric noticed the moody mage's frown and began, "So, three templars walk into a tavern."

"Not right now, Varric." Anders grouched.

I placed a careful hand on his back, whispering for only him to hear, "Anders, is everything alright? You are usually always in the mood for templar jokes."

He didn't respond, just stared down at his cards.

Varric, never one to be brought down, moved his attention to Sebastian, "I've heard rumors about Starkhaven, you know." The exiled prince looked up, not touching the ale left before him, "They say you eat the dead up there. And murder strangers in the street."

Sebastian chuckled with a look of slight suspicion, "Why do I suspect that when you say you've "heard" rumors, you mean you've invented some?"

"Six of one, half-dozen of another." Varric slurred with a laugh, for a brief moment I noticed him glance over at my sulking lover worriedly, as I had moved my conversation to Merrill as she spoke excitedly about her discoveries. "So, the knight-commander... Boiling in oil? That one never gets old."

Anders continued to ignore Varric's attempts at humor. Aveline and Donnic got distracted from their game as they were dancing together as one of the guards began singing a love song. It was very endearing, and Merrill watched with loving eyes of adoration.

"I'm helping you indulge in elaborate revenge fantasies. I think it's good for you." I heard Varric try to pull Anders out of his funk.

Anders growled in a low voice, clutching his cards tightly, "Meredith will die. Do not doubt that."

Varric pouted, and whined, "Go away, Justice. Can Anders come out and play?"

Anders eyes glowed blue and I felt my heart skip a beat, "Stop-" Justice commanded.

I immediately pulled Anders into an embrace, not to draw attention to us, as Fenris immediately swiveled his head at us when his tattoos glowed for a brief moment. Holland as well stared at us questionably, and I felt the rush of danger coursing through me. We had to call it a night.

I whispered into Anders' ear, "Love, why don't we head home then. You seem tired."

Trying to remain discreet as we slipped out of the Viscount's Keep, I noticed Varric staggering along behind us, "You can stay with the others, Varric, we are quite alright."

Varric ignored me with a wince and opened the doors, and we were greeted by the cool night. On our not so long walk to my estate, the dwarf stumbled as he hiccuped, "You've been glowering for days. Your face is going to get stuck that way."

"My face is the least of my concerns right now." Anders muttered like a pouting child.

I shook my head as entered my Estate, being greeted by Bodahn as usual, "That's because you don't have to look at it." I remarked. "Truly, dear, I can't keep making love to a face like that. It is seriously a mood killer."

Varric chuckled, Anders did not as he took off his coat and headed for our bedroom. "I am going to bed." Was all he muttered as he groggily climbed the stairs.

Varric was scratching at the back of his head. Something he did when he was getting annoyed. He stared up at me with an audible sigh, as I awkwardly pulled the hem of my frilly skirt down. "I know what you are going to say, Varric. It is nothing you and everyone else hasn't already told me."

He was thinking, "I am just trying to wrap my head around what started this whirlwind romance three years ago. Did he go down on one knee and professed his undying love and claimed he wanted to be by your side until the day you died?"

I scoffed with a laugh, "That is a little cheesy, don't you think?"

He rolled his eyes, "This is Blondie we are talking about here, Hawke. He is known for the theatrical. Did you suddenly jump on him in a flurry of sudden passion. You just had to have him right then and there."

"More like he jumped me after a heated argument after the Dissent."

A strange expression crossed Varric's face, "So...no sweet exchanges of eternal vows of love."

"Well, of course there is that. But...that came...much later." I admitted.

"What about the sex, Hawke? Excuse my prodding but this is some serious shit we are dealing with here? I am playing the part of your therapist."

Oh...we're going there. "It was...sweet at first. Normal. Nothing...well, extraordinary in the sense of being in love. But...yes, it has been...much more difficult in the last year. He is always tired or angry, and...it almost feels like most nights he doesn't want to even touch me. Like he is disgusted by me. But then there are fewer nights where...it's Anders…"

"It's Anders." Varric repeated, "I wish I knew more about this magical shit. And what exactly Justice is. But...from what it sounds like to me is...Anders is lost. And Justice is his keeper."

 **DA2**

"Hawke!" I heard Varric yell at me as Anders collapsed to the ground. My knife still in my hand.

Varric and Merrill rushed to Anders in a heartbeat, as Isabela stood a ways in a mixture of disbelief and horror. This meaning a lot from a worldly woman like Isabela.

Fenris waited impatiently, as Aveline and Sebastian were carefully neutral. Merrill rested Anders' head in her lap, and looked to Holland. "You can heal him, can't you!" She begged.

Varric was clutching the wound, as the life left Anders' eyes.

We didn't talk about it until we escaped Kirkwall. Praise the Maker for sending my usually irresponsible brother to our sudden rescue. Isabela had no ship, and we made a plan to steal one. But instead, one just arrived, with Carver Hawke still in his Grey Warden uniform beckoning us all aboard.

Varric was in the hold, where he checked in on me, "Why did you kill him?" He asked me point blank.

"I already talked to Aveline about this." I told the dwarf.

"Now you are talking to me, Hawke. You could have let him redeem himself."

"What life was there left for Anders to live. He was consumed. He wasn't there anymore. Justice...Vengeance took him away."

Varric sighed, and it was then I realized the tears. "I should have said something." He began, "I knew there was something wrong, I should have tried harder damn it."

"You don't think I tried, Varric! I tried so hard." I pressed.

Varric sat for a long while in silence. I sat beside him, and after a long while he rested his hand on my knee, reassuring me he wasn't angry with me.

"He got Bethany sent to the Circle." I confessed, "He told me. Or rather...Vengeance told me. He had someone tip Cullen about her, to try and get me to act for Mages Rights. He believed that...because Holland and Bethany avoided the Circle for so long we didn't see it being a real threat."

"Why Sunshine?" Varric questioned in disbelief.

"Because Holland would have fought back. Bethany would have been the quickest to get in, and it would rally me more to make a stand against the templars. For years he tried to convince me it was Aveline. Anders was not afraid to turn me against my own family and friends. He cared more for his plight than for us as people. Do you understand now, Varric? It would never end."

"...it must have been hard for you, Hawke." He admitted.

"...you have no idea, old friend." I whispered, for the first time shedding a tear.


End file.
